I cant remember the last time I didn't feel well. In general I'm blessed with exceedingly good health and apart from a time a good few years ago when I hurt my back, I really can say that I haven't had anything physically wrong with me for decades. So yesterday I have to confess that I was looking forward to a tiny bit of sympathy from my family, maybe a bit of TLC, the odd cup of tea in bed.... something? ..... anything?........ Nope. Nothing. Nobody came near me all day. When I finally got up to have some food I discovered they had all eaten a roast turkey joint and not left any for me. Nobody came near me the whole day to find out how I was and I had to get up twice to make myself a coffee. And when I did appear downstairs they were all watching football, the place was like a pigsty and nobody even asked how I was feeling.
So of course, being the righteous and saintly person that I am, I got mad, felt hugely resentful and offended and huffy and slammed about the kitchen like a bear with a sore head whilst nobody paid me any attention at all.Then I heard that still small voice in my head. And the word it spoke was ' entitled' That was all. Just the one word.
So I looked it up. And it has two meanings. One is ' having the right to something' as in, 'he is entitled to benefits' and the other is believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment
Which was me yesterday. Because I wasn't feeling well I believed that I was inherently deserving of special treatment. Why? I suppose because whenever any of the rest of the family aren't feeling well I look after them, feed them, check in on them, let them sleep etc etc. And because I do that for them I expect them to do it for me. And I guess that is how I operate in alot of my life. An eye for and eye and a tooth for a tooth. You scratch my back I'll scratch yours. I'm nice to you , I expect you to be nice back.
I suspect God didn't drop the word ' entitled' into the conversation yesterday just for fun. He wanted to show me something. And in the small amount of thinking I have done I have realised that there are things that I am rightly entitled to..... things that are mine by right.
I'm entitled to be called a child of God.
I'm entitled to come into the presence of the King through the blood of Jesus
I have the right to ask for whatever I need
I have the right to use the gifts and the authority God has given me
I probably have loads more rights as a child of God which would merit an entire Bible study of their own, but these are the ones which came to mind immediately as Im writing this.
I don't, however, have the right to consider myself ' inherently deserving of privileges'. Either from my family, or from my church, my workplace or society at large. Everything that comes to me - from my health to my friendships, my salary , home, the peace my country currently enjoys and the weather I experience comes to me via the grace of God which is His unmerited favour. I've done nothing to deserve any of it. I am a sinner saved by grace. My role model is Jesus, who was entitled to the adoration and worship and love of every person on the planet but chose to lay aside His rights in order to gain my heart.
Having said all of that, I doubt that next time I am feeling overlooked and resentful I shall remember any of this. Emotions shout loudly. But for now, I am thankful for God's grace and I extend mercy and forgiveness to my neglectful family for watching football rather than tending to my every need! I'm thankful that I only have a cold and not some life threatening or changing illness. And that I have God who knows me, speaks to me and wants to change me to be more like Him.
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