This year I turned 52.
The guy who leads my church is 35.
They guy who leads worship is 28
Suddenly I have gone from being the youngest kid in my class at school, the youngest in my year at Uni, the average age of people in church, to being one of the ' older generation'. Eeeeek
When I was 28 I was looking up to people who were 52, learning so much from them, being discipled by them, being prayed for by them, and now I am supposed to be that person to those in the generation coming up behind me. Trouble is, I don't feel any more mature or responsible or knowledgeable now than I did at 28.😀
Added to which I am now part of a Vineyard church which is ' doing church' in a radically different way from the way I'm used to and which I'm comfortable with. I fully recognise that God is challenging me to get rid of some of the old wineskins, models and practices and ways of thinking which served me really well in the past but which are now not fit for purpose in this day and age. My church is massively outward looking with a big emphasis on living the life of Jesus in your workplace, school, family, community. But it does very little in the way of pastoral care, accountability and training and equipping. All of which I'm passionate about. As a result I have found myself feeling a bit frustrated, a bit redundant and more than a bit ' old' . In the past 18 years since coming to Northern Ireland I have not found what I would consider to be an ' accountable pastoral relationship' and I have definitely felt much the poorer for it. These days it seems that you have to go and find a spiritual director if you want that kind of input - which I find just plain odd...... what is church for if it isnt to be able to offer 'spiritual direction' to those who need and want it within the body??
As a result of feeling a bit adrift as a middle aged woman in the church I am finding that I have a new appreciation of the generation older than me, many of whom have so much to offer but who are perhaps now making way for a younger crowd to come in and take up their mantels. But at the same time I get the feeling that this stage of life is a transition into something else - and as is ever the case at times of transition I have a choice whether to take up the challenge or settle.
With all this in mind I went to see my 35 year old pastor the other day and we had a good chat and he suggested I read this.
It arrived today and I have read the first chapter. The basic premise is that it isn't enough to tend merely to ones spiritual well-being, but we can't actually be spiritually healthy unless we tend to our emotional well-being and work on the places of brokenness in our souls. Sounds like a reasonable premise. I shall let you know how I get on and if it helps in navigating me through my mid-life crisis.
Please do let me know if there has been anything spectacularly helpful to you as you have navigated yours.
No comments:
Post a Comment