Over the years these blogs have become a sort of diary for me. I can look back over the posts of the past several years and remember why I wrote certain things and what was happening at the time. I have quite an odd life really , compared to most people. I have a strange and unconventional relationship with my husband. I'm a foreigner in a land which is technically ' home' but still doesn't really feel like it even after 18 years of living here. Just now I don't feel that I am in quite the right place in my work, church or creative life. In some ways I think I've done a pretty good job of being a mother - and then I have a massive fight with one of the boys (half an hour ago - major row) and I realise that actually in many respects I'm rubbish !! If I stop and think about it for too long I can feel like a bit of a misfit.
It can be surprisingly easy for me to listen to the voice that tells me it's all a waste of time. That my life has been, and is, a somewhat pointless exercise and that I haven't actually achieved anything much with the many gifts and talents God has given me.
And then I read some of the comments you leave on my blog and the encouragement that you give me that sometimes what I write and think actually does make sense and make an impact. And you and the blog remind me to get my eyes back on Jesus. Who loves me. And it is a battle. But one we all go through all the time. And one which we probably all need to talk about more.
So this Christmas I hope that your stress levels remain low, your relationships are sweet, your sleep is long and good, you are not disappointed with any aspect of the festivities and that you can find moments of peace and joy. I pray that you feel loved and valued. May you learn the unforced rhythms of grace and enjoy the hope that a New Year brings.
Thank you for being my friend.
Caz x
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