New yrs Eve

Here's a bonus post as we head into another year.

In church on Sunday during the worship I had a picture of a tsunami wave hitting a shoreline.  Knowing what we no know about tsunamis this was not an image which filled me with joy.  I couldn't work out what the picture was about, but it didn't leave me throughout the worship so I chewed on it for a while.   Here's what come to me  ( As these thoughts were forming in my mind someone stood up to read a scripture.  I will add that at the end)

Before the tsunami the tide suddenly goes out and all is still.  It is as though the presence of God ( the water) has receded and His voice cannot be heard. ( His voice is like the sound of many waters)  Then in an instant the tidal wave comes in .  It is not a mighty ten foot high crashing wall of water like the ones we see in the movies, it is an unstoppable, relentless swirl of incoming waves which destroy everything in their path.  I felt that God showed me a rock which was the only safe place to be when the waters are raging.  For those of us who feel that God has receded in recent days/weeks/months and that all is silent, those of us who have been praying for a new wave, another visitation, He is coming.  But beware - anything and everything that is one the shoreline of our lives which is not built upon or clinging to the Rock will be washed away.  Wise men build on the rock.  No matter how solid your building if it is built on the beach it wont stand a chance.

The scripture reading was from Isaiah 43

But now, this is what the Lord says—
    he who created you, Jacob,
    he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.    
3 For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
    Cush[a] and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honoured in my sight,
    and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
    nations in exchange for your life.


Water and fire in small amounts are lovely and life giving and necessary.  In the tsunami and the forest fire they are devastating forces of destruction.  God is Holy and mighty and scary - the mountains melt like wax in His presence.  But just as He hid Moses in the rock when He passed by, God promises us that His presence will not overwhelm us. His holiness will not burn us up.   But it will burn up everything that is not clothed in Jesus and standing on His name.   I know you know this already.  But this is what I think God was saying to me at the start of a New Year, and I felt it was a word not just for me but for all of us.

Please do share what you feel He is saying to you for 2019.  And have a blessed close to the old year and a hope-filled waking in the new one

December 24th

Thank you for reading the blog this year and sharing it and posting your comments.  It always amazes me that anyone wants to hear what I have to say 😊  But the process of writing it does really focus my mind and I find it especially helpful to try to think God thoughts at this time of year.

Over the years these blogs have become a sort of diary for me.  I can look back over the posts of the past several years and remember why I wrote certain things and what was happening at the time.  I have quite an odd life really , compared to most people.  I have a strange and unconventional relationship with my husband.  I'm a foreigner in a land which is technically ' home' but still doesn't really feel like it even after 18 years of living here.  Just now I don't feel that I am in quite the right place in my work, church or creative life.  In some ways I think I've done a pretty good job of being a mother - and then I have a massive fight with one of the boys (half an hour ago - major row) and I realise that actually in many respects I'm rubbish !!  If I stop and think about it for too long I can feel like a bit of a misfit.

It can be surprisingly easy for me to listen to the voice that tells me it's all a waste of time.  That my life has been, and is, a somewhat pointless exercise and that I haven't actually achieved anything much with the many gifts and talents God has given me.

And then I read some of the comments you leave on my blog and the encouragement that you give me that sometimes what I write and think actually does make sense and make an impact.  And you
and the blog remind me to get my eyes back on Jesus. Who loves me.  And it is a battle. But one we all go through all the time. And one which we probably all need to talk about more.

So this Christmas I hope that your stress levels remain low, your relationships are sweet, your sleep is long and good, you are not disappointed with any aspect of the festivities and that you can find moments of peace and joy.   I pray that you feel loved and valued.  May you learn the unforced rhythms of grace and enjoy the hope                                                            that a New Year brings.

Thank you for being my friend.

Caz x

December 23rd - Wonder and joy

Lisburn, my nearest town, has a festival of lights on at the moment.  The high street has been decked out with a light display which three times a day is hooked up to a sound system.  Music plays as the lights dance in time to it.  Its really pretty impressive.  Yesterday I happened to be in town when the display was happening so I took as park bench for ten minutes to sit and watch.    All around me were people who has also stopped to watch.  Standing right in front of me was a Mum , Dad and three girls aged about 6,8 and 10.   I watched as the girls started dancing in the street to the loud and upbeat music.  They were playing air guitars and generally just having fun.   Mum and Dad were joining in, encouraging their girls to go for it.   Over to my left a couple of teenage girls were singing along.   It was lovely to see spontaneous joy on the streets.  Here's something I wrote in response.........

Wonder

let yourself believe in magic
chip the frostbite from your soul
re-discover childlike wonder
let delight become your goal
don't become a grumpy cynic 
bullying your hopes to death
free your dreams to soar to heaven
drink in joy with every breath
choose the path of optimism
walk against the downbeat crowd
kindle love in other people
shout the truth and shout it loud
Life's a gift and not a trial
celebrate it with a song
choose the way of fun this day
and Merry Christmas everyone.

And in the spirit of having fun and enjoying ourselves here are a few silly things Ive found on the internet over the past few days which I hope make you smile. 


  

Dec 22nd - almost there

How many times this week have you been asked if you are ready for Christmas?   How many parties/lunches/teas/mince pies have you attended/eaten so far?  Have you wrapped up everything , posted everything, purchased everything?  Are you ready?
Christmas is one day.  In every respect it is identical to every other day.  It has 24 hours.  There will be weather.  It will start when you wake up and at some point will finish with sleep.  Just another day.   But we put an extraordinary amount of work into making it special.   We shop, clean, decorate, cook, re-arrange, plan, invite and feast in ways that we dont do on any other day of the year. 

If we put so much effort into celebrating Jesus's birthday, how much more should we put into preparing for spending eternity in his presence?

My Dad is 84 and two years ago was diagnosed with bowel cancer .   He had surgery but it wasnt 100% successful and he has already outlived the initial prognosis which only gave him a year to live.  Dad is angry.  I think he feels sort of cheated or something.   He seems to think that it is unfair that he should be dying of cancer.   I dont think he is prepared.   Not ready.    It seems a bit odd to me that someone in their eighties can be so unprepared for even the thought of their own death.   But I suspect lots and lots of us sweep the very idea of our own mortality far under the carpet and resolve not to look at it because it make us feel uncomfortable.

Personally, I'd prefer to be ready.  I'd like to know beforehand that when I die Im going to heaven.  I'd like to die well, bravely without complaining. Quietly and without fuss.  Secure in the knowledge that I have been loved by people and am eternally loved by God 

.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bzLd2MDAHK8

Dec 21st - reading between the lines

very tired and not much inspired I decided to re-visit a blog post for this date in 2012 which I have no recollection of writing but enjoyed reading again.  So I hope you will too

Dec 21st

Reading Luke chapter 2.   Hardly need to read it really because it is that passage which is so well known that most of us could recite it in our sleep

And it came to pass in those days that a decree went out.........and she brought forth her first born son, and wrapped him in swaddling bands......now there were in the same country shepherds.......

I find it hard to read this chapter and not just skim over it with eyes glazed.   Familiarity breeds contempt  etc.  We know what is coming next.  We have heard it before so many times... so today I am going to do my best to read with fresh eyes and see what new thoughts might come.

Decree to all the world.  ALL?  Even if this means all the Roman world we are still talking a humungous enormous gigiantic operation.   Estimates say that when Jesus was born the Roman empire probably encompassed around 50 million people.  ( 20% of the world's population) and of those around half lived in the countryside outside major cities.

So when Joseph and Mary upped sticks to go to be registered there were 25 million people on the move.  What an astonishing and amazing upheaval.   Obviously they werent all on the roads at the same time in the same countries going to the same places.........but nevertheless it must have been somewhat chaotic.
Nazareth to Bethlehem is 80 miles.    On a donkey.  With a very very pregnant Mary.   That is a long way.
Its London to Peterborough.  Which, if you walked it non stop you could do in 28 hours ( according to Google maps)   With a pregnant wife on a donkey it must have taken four or five days.  Maybe longer.

Ive been pregnant.  I found it hard to sit in the car for half an hour at the end of my pregnancies, let alone sit on a donkey on dirt tracks,  in bandit country, with no bed and breakfast booked for the night.  Nightmare.
And the thing is that Mary could probably have stayed at home.  I cant imagine that she actually needed to go at all.  Joseph was the one who needed to register.

But if he had gone - albeit he would have made faster progress and been back within the week - he would have missed the birth.   They must have known she was due any day.  Maybe she was ten days overdue like I was and the size of a house and having constant backache and twinges and braxton hicks contractions.   What discussions must have gone on beforehand ?  Did Mary plead to go with him because she didnt want to be apart from Joseph.   Or did she plead to be left at home and he persuaded her to make the journey??   What did they say to God?   If it had been me I would have been moaning long and loud about the timing of this census and why couldn't the baby have arrived a week earlier etc etc etc     And how terrified must they have been of the repercussions from Rome that they didnt just decide to show up late for the census or chance missing it altogether.

Luke doesnt say much about the arrival at Bethlehem and the no room at the inn thing.  But we know that Jesus was born in a stable - which was likely to have actually been the spare room of someones house which    was housed in a sort of gallery arrangement over the place where the livestock was kept.   This would have been the warmest room in the house. Not terribly fragrant possibly.... :-)    And it might have had food troughs built into the floor or walls which would have made an idea bed for the baby.

You cant take much with you on a donkey.  No Pampers.  No suitcase full of baby gros.  just a change of clothes for the adults probably.  There is not likely to have been a midwife in attendance - although with Bethlehem being packed out there were probably experienced women about who would have lent a hand.
No sisters or mother there to offer moral support.  Just Mary in a strange place with her not yet husband going through the most terrifying process known to womankind.  No drugs.  No epidural.  No doctors on hand if things went wrong.    She will have been exhausted from the travelling which probably brought the labour on.  Who knows how long she had to labour for.   First babies can take two days of pain and  pushing and grunting to get out.   Poor Mary.

I wonder if Jesus made it onto the census.  I wonder if Joseph went to put his name down before or after the baby was born.

Theres much more to think about in these well trodden Bible paths if we just take a moment to try to imagine ourselves there.

Lord, this Christmas help me to pause for a while to really really think about what happened all those years ago.   About the hardship and sacrifice endured by Mary and Joseph as they brought you into this world.  Of the truly difficult and humble beginning you had.  Let us not glaze over as we hear the stories and sing the carols again.   But impress us with new understanding, show us new truth.  Speak in new ways. So that this Christmas we can say we have seen more of You.   Amen

December 20th = small acts of kindness

When I go to pick up my boys from school - which I do once or twice a week when I happen to be in town, I always wait for them in the car which I park on my friend Karen's drive.  She happens to live just at the end of the road on which the boy's schools are.   As I sat there yesterday watching hundreds of cars queue and inch slowly up the road navigating between parked vehicles on either side and trying to squeeze round school buses I suddenly realised that by being able to park on Karen's drive I have been saved hours, days, possibly weeks of accumulated aggro over the six years ( so far) that the boys have been at high school.   And I felt deeply thankful.

It's a small favour, being able to use Karen's drive.  I sometimes park my car there if I want to shop in town as it is only a short walk to the shops from her house,  it's free, and I dont have the hassle of driving round and round trying to find a space.   So all in all Karen's drive has proved to be a big blessing to me.

I know that for Karen it is a matter which barely registers on her radar.  It costs her nothing to let me park on her drive.  No inconvenience.  No wear and tear.  She is happy for me to park up there because she knows it helps me out.    Yesterday it struck me that the smallest gestures can confer disproportionately big blessings.    The other day a friend offered to come into work at 7am because we were expecting a delivery.  She has small children and said she would be up anyway and it was no bother for her to do it.  It would have taken a monumental effort for me to have been in work at 7am!  I was super thankful not to have to do it.

I wonder what I could do to make life that bit easier for someone else.

I suppose in essence it all comes down to kindness.   Can we be generous with our possessions, our time, our expertise in order to help someone in some way?   Do we notice the people around us and keep an eye open for ways we can bless them?    I seem to be particularly aware of Mums with kids in cafes and shops.  If I see a Mum struggling with a buggy or wrestling to get a toddler into a high chair or needing an extra pair of hands to get a coat on a four year old whilst trying to keep the bottle in the mouth of the baby I'll often step in and offer some help.   It costs me nothing more than a minute of my time but to the Mum it might just make the difference between holding it all together and losing the plot.   It wasnt so long ago that my boys were tots and I was the stressed Mum.

And secondly, are we really thankful when people bless us and make our lives just that little bit less stressful?  The person who holds open the door as we struggle with the shopping , the person who lets you cut in front of them at the checkout when you are in a hurry or offers to make you a cuppa at work.   It is so easy to take these daily small acts of kindness for granted.  But kindness is what makes the world go round.

Today why not look out for ways to be kind and determine to be thankful for every blessing that comes your way.

December 19th - reconciled

God and sinners reconciled.

I was listening to my BratPack at Christmas CD in the car yesterday ( cos I'm cool and old school like that :) ) and for the gazillionth time was singing along to Hark the Herald when I suddenly felt that imperceptible nudge in my spirit at this phrase.   I suddenly wondered what the word ' reconciled' means.  This is quite often how God grabs my attention.  He will underline a word and ask me what it means.  And despite the fact that I have an excellent education and a better than average grasp of vocabulary and grammar, time after time I am amazed at how little I know - especially about words which I use all the time and am certain I know all about.

So here is what the dictionary says about the word ' reconcile'

• 
  

  Restore friendly relations between.

  ‘the king and the archbishop were publicly reconciled’

  ‘she wanted to be reconciled with her father’

  1. 1 Settle (a quarrel)
     ‘advice on how to reconcile the conflict’        
  2. 2 Make or show to be compatible.
  3. ‘the agreement had to be reconciled with the city's new international relations policy’
  4. 3reconcile someone to
  5. Make someone accept (a disagreeable or unwelcome thing)
     ‘he was reconciled to leaving’
• 2Make (one account) consistent with another, especially by allowing for transactions begun but not yet completed.

  ‘it is not necessary to reconcile the cost accounts to the financial accounts’
• I love that God, in Jesus, has restored relationships, settled the quarrel, made us compatible and acceptable and balanced our account with him .
• Next time you hear Hark the Herald you will appreciate that line just a little bit more
• https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxExmI_qNTQ

Dec 18th - indwelling

I was at a carol service on Sunday evening and one of the lessons was from Isaiah 11

A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse;
    from his roots a Branch will bear fruit.
2 The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him—                       
    the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
    the Spirit of counsel and of might,
    the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the Lord—
3 and he will delight in the fear of the Lord.

He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes,
    or decide by what he hears with his ears;
4 but with righteousness he will judge the needy,
    with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth.
He will strike the earth with the rod of his mouth;
    with the breath of his lips he will slay the wicked.
5 Righteousness will be his belt
    and faithfulness the sash around his waist.

I dont know how many times I have read or heard those verses over my lifetime, but as I was sitting in church on Sunday evening something suddenly occurred to me which I hadnt thought of before.    ' The Spirit of the Lord will rest on Him ( Jesus ) '   and that Spirit is the very same Spirit that lives in me.  The Spirit that Jesus told the disciples would come upon them and empower them and send them out.  The Spirit that has been given to me so that I might know the Father and do even greater things than Jesus did.   When Jesus ascended into heaven He gave you and me the job of being Jesus to the world and enabled us to do that by imparting His very own spirit into our spirits so that we could have all the resources of heaven at our disposal.

So that made me wonder what would happen if I replaced the word ' he' with ' I'  and ' his' with ' my' in that passage.   Read this slowly and read it as a promise - emphasise with word 'will' in your mind and see what happens.  It is even better if you read it out loud.

2 The Spirit of the Lord will rest on me
    the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding,
    the Spirit of counsel and of might,
    the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the Lord—
3 and I will delight in the fear of the Lord.

I will not judge by what I see with my eyes,
    or decide by what I hear with my ears;
4 but with righteousness I will judge the needy,
    with justice I will give decisions for the poor of the earth.
I will strike the earth with the rod of my mouth;
    with the breath of my lips I will slay the wicked.
5 Righteousness will be my belt
    and faithfulness the sash around my waist.

That will have different resonances with different people but the bit which really grabbed my attention was in verse 4.  Words are mighty when they are spoken by the Spirit of God.  They can bring down strongholds,  destroy the enemy and devastate wickedness.   I don't remember that very often.  And I rarely give permission for the Holy Spirit to be all He wants to be in my life.   If I did, I would be so like Jesus people would probably want to kill me.

December 17th - ownership

What do you own?                                                                                                                                                                                 If you had to write a list would it be a long one?   I'm talking about listing every single thing that you own.  Where would you start?  I suppose most of us would start with the big things..... a house..... a car.... the things in the house..... perhaps next would come a pet,  clothes, jewellery.  What about the plants in your garden.  What about your children ..... you might not use the word ' own' about them, but nevertheless you do consider them to be ' yours'.

Of course I'm asking this for a reason.  And it has something to do with the freedom God has bought for us....  stick with me, Im still trying to articulate this thought as I write.

I can say quite easily that I know that everything that I have comes from God.  I say it regularly in the context of being thankful for stuff., and I really do mean it.  Except that today I realised in a flash of revelation that I don't mean it.  Because if I really meant it I would answer the opening question of this blog with the answer  NOTHING.   If I genuinely truly believed that all that I possess  is God's and that He has allowed me the use of it for a time then I believe my life would be a whole lot less stressful.  I would own nothing - have no possessions of my own.     I think back to the old testament and the year of Jubilee, when every 50 years anything that had been borrowed or bought was to revert back to its original owner.   How outrageously radical is that??   It was so radical, in fact, that God's people never actually managed to do it.  Because we all like stuff.  We like to own things.  We like to feel proprietorial and we love consuming.  We use ' stuff' as badges of status. We fight over stuff.  We get jealous about other peoples stuff.  We rank ourselves and others by comparing stuff.  If we had no stuff who would we be?   And God knows what we are like and has a plan to combat that very essence of greed and entitlement.  But we won't/don/t/can't follow His plan.  And look where that has got us.


God, who owns everything including the stars and the spaces in between atoms, gave up all his ' God stuff' to come to earth with nothing at all and become a totally dependent baby in a womb.    Jesus, who had lived eternally in the presence of angels, took off His royal robes and walked the earth with nothing but a cloak and a stick and a few carpenters tools.  Jesus truly knew that God sustained Him.  He was able to walk into a town and know that if He needed a donkey that day God would provide it.  He didn't need to own a donkey.  He only needed a donkey for a couple of hours one afternoon and God provided it right at the moment He needed it.    When Jesus needed a place to stay, food to eat, a boat to distance himself from the crowds, God provided.  Jesus owned nothing at all as far as we know.  What He did have were friends.   He had people who loved Him, washed His feet, gave Him a bed for the night, invited Him to their parties.   He had women who cooked for Him and men who shared their fish suppers with Him.   He didn't need to own anything but He highly valued the relationships around Him.    I wonder if today we haven't got the whole thing the wrong way round?

Last night I was in Dromore Cathedral singing in the choir in the community carol service.  It was really lovely to see the catholic primary school join with the protestant one in a kids choir.  It was great to see the church packed with people from all walks of life and it was brilliant to sing Hark the Herald with a couple of hundred people all giving it 100% accompanied by the pipe organ.  Nothing quite like singing at the top of your lungs to a church organ.   Nothing quite like singing with a crowd of people with one voice.   As we sang I realised that there are very rare times in my life now when I get together with a diverse mass of people to do some common activity.   I've occasionally been to a football match.   I go to church.   But mostly I do things by myself, or with one or two other people. At work, as a family, with friends.  Just a few people .  And lots and lots of  'stuff'    The exact opposite from the way Jesus did it.
                                      

Lord Jesus, this Christmas as I give ' stuff' to people who probably don't need it and get 'stuff' that I probably don't need either, please forgive me for my wrong priorities.  Free me from enslavement to ' getting and spending' and show me how to live like You lived when You were here, totally trusting in the Father to meet each and every daily need.  Help me to love people more than things.  May I be thankful for every single thing I ' own' and hold it all lightly, ready to lay it down or give it up if You require me to.    For in this is freedom.  Thank you.   Amen

December 16th - blank canvas

Yesterday I was looking for a cardboard box in which to pack Emmas christmas present ready for posting  :)   Keith thought there might be some boxes up in the attic, so as I needed to put a couple of things up there anyway I ventured aloft to see what I could find.

Our roof space is a tip.  We just chuck everything up there ( it is a big space mostly floored out) and over 18 years we have amassed all sorts of junk which we really should sort through and chuck out.   However, in the search for a cardboard box ( successful) I came across another box which was full of blank canvasses.  I had completely forgotten that ages ago, when we first put our house on the market. in a fit of tidying enthusiasm I had packed up a whole load of books and things I thought I wouldnt need for a while and bunged them in the loft..   The blank canvasses had been moved from under my bed to up in the attic and yesterday I re-discovered them and brought them back down again.   Because now I have a ' studio' up at Keiths Mum's farm and I can store them there.

As I opened the lid of the box to see what was in it. I heard myself saying '  oooh, blank canvasses' and simultaneously heard God say '  Look!  Blank canvasses!'  I suppose it doesnt take a genius to work out what that might be about!

Do you have a box of ' blank canvasses' stashed away somewhere?  Perhaps projects which you had thought you might embark on at some point and then put on the back burner for another day?   Money that you invested in something but then never followed up on?  Maybe your canvasses are new christians or non-christians that God has brought into your life because He wants you to invest in them.    Whatever our canvasses are, they are no good sitting in a box somewhere.

When I first started painting the idea of a blank canvas was a bit terrifying.   I had no confidence at all in my ability to apply paint and was really rubbish at trying to come up with an idea of what I wanted to create.   But now Ive been painting for a few years I like nothing better than slapping a base coat or a wash of colour on a plain white page.   I have also shifted from being scared of making a mistake to now being more than happy to dabble and experiment and just see what happens.   When I started painting I thought there was a right way and a wrong way to do it.  Now I realise that it is the process of creating and not necessarily the end result which is important.  If you happen to get a great end result, well that's a bonus, but enjoying the process is much more than half of the fun.


                                          

Every day is a blank canvas.  Every new person we meet provides us with a bank relationship to start to colour in.   Every time we come to worship we can create a brand new work of art for God's eyes.  And the interesting thing is that there are no pre-drawn lines on a canvas.  It's not the same as a colouring page where you have to colour inside the lines.  A canvas is a world of possibilities.  Your painting will be different from mine.   When you look back on your day yesterday what did you paint?   On the fresh clean page God gives you today what are you going to draw?   Will you use loads of colour and splash yourself about so that people stop and take notice, or will you sit quietly and observe, see what God is doing and paint that on your page?  Will you paint with your emotions or your habits?  Will what you create today be kind or harsh,  joyful or sad, busy or calm? 

I wonder if God has a fridge in heaven on which He puts our paintings every day?